Song Saturday

Playing alone with Sue over at Inappropriate Sue for Song Saturday. The objective is to introduce others to new music by posting a youtube or similar site video on your blog.

This might not be NEW MUSIC but it one of my most favorite songs. But ONLY when coupled with this kick ass video from one of my all time fav shows, Scrubs.

Enjoy!!

We May Have Eaten a Dead Turkey But We Also Killed a Wiener

My favorite picture from Thanksgiving.

I call it "WIENER AS DEAD COCKROACH."

Happy Thanksgiving To All

Be thankful that you don't already have everything you desire.
If you did, what would there be to look forward to?
Be thankful when you don't know something,
for it gives you the opportunity to learn.

~~

Be thankful for the difficult times.
During those times you grow.
Be thankful for your limitations,
because they give you opportunities for improvement.
~~

Be thankful for each new challenge,
because it will build your strength and character.
Be thankful for your mistakes.

They will teach you valuable lessons.

~~
Be thankful when you're tired and weary,
because it means you've made a difference.
~~
It's easy to be thankful for the good things.
A life of rich fulfillment comes to those who
are also thankful for the setbacks.
Gratitude can turn a negative into a positive.
Find a way to be thankful for your troubles,
and they can become your blessings.

And one more thing....

DON'T FORGET TO LAUGH!!!!

Is It Just Me Or......Week 4!!!!

Is it just me or....does ones 40th bday creep up faster than any other birthday? I mean, I SWEAR I just turned 39 yesterday...and had a WHOLE DAMN YEAR BEFORE I had to say I was **gulp** in my 40's. Now I only have like 3 months. WOW. Not really dreading the big day just DAMN SHOCKED it's almost actually here. (Someone better tell my brain cuz it sure THINKS I'm still in my 20's.)

Is it just me or...does anyone else think we will NEVER truly hear/see the end of Jon and Kate? I suspect that they (along with Oprah) will live on in infamy. And although I'm totally ok with the show being done, damn if I'm not gonna miss me some Joel and some Leah. I puffy heart Joely!! :)

Is it just me or...do other people think to them self while watching the commercial for THE BOX, "Yeah, I'd probably push that damn button." Not so much about the money (or how getting that money means someone has to die) but because when someone tells me NOT TO PUSH A BUTTON, I WANT TO PUSH THE DAMN BUTTON! I HATE when people tell me NOT to do something. Could have left the darn box sitting out in the open and I never would have questioned it. But TELL me NOT to push the button it contains??? DAMN YOU TO HELL!!!

Is it just me or....is this FB entry totally funny? And TOTALLY inappropriate? (Click on the pic to enlarge) Of course, if you don't know what a MILF is, you're probably scratching your head right now. You could always look it up. Might help explain why the above IS both funny and really icky. :) Go HERE if you really want to know. But don't blame me if you come away permanently scarred!!

Is it just me or....does the sound of someone blowing their nose drive you crazy??? Like WANT TO RIP YOUR HAIR OUT crazy? I'm not talking about the dainty little "tweet" us ladies give when we're forced to clear the dust out of the old snoot. I'm talking about the kind that EITHER sound like a freakin' fog horn OR the kind that sounds so wet I feel the need to gag. And that wet one??? Gets only worse when the offending nose blower then spends a god awful ten minutes analysing the "goop" that just came flying out of their nose. GAG. Last week I saw a man at Walmart not only stare intently at the goop but also "play" with it for a good long time. He scrunched and rescrunched the tissue as he watched the "stuff" stretch from corner to corner. And just to add insult to injury, the stuff was multi shades of green. :(

Now it's YOUR turn....

Y'all know what to do but just in case you crawled out from under a rock! :)

Throw together a list of all those things you think in your head...all those things that make you wonder "Am I the ONLY one that thinks this???" (Hence the "IS IT JUST ME OR..." title!!) All those things that you just KNOW others wonder about but never say!!!

Things you need to know to get started:
*Put together your list. (Can't wait to see what you come up with each week!)
*Mention my blog and link to my current edition of "IS IT JUST ME OR...."
*Hop on back over here and add the link to YOUR entry to the MckLinky list at the bottom of my post.

And while you're here, why not grab my new button and slap it onto your post! That way, if people click on it, they will be transported over here to the Wonderful World of Wieners. And who doesn't want to be transported to a world full of wieners? (The code to the button is at the top of the right hand column.)

Have fun and get linking!!! And don't forget to click over and visit those brave bloggers who linked up!! Tell them Hallie sent you!!

Powerful Stuff - Long but worth the read

Someone asked me last week (when talking about CJ's upcoming deployment) if we are a religious family and if we attend church on a regular basis. I honestly said no...although we all believe in God and believe that there is something greater than each of us, we do not and have not ever believed you MUST attend a church service to be connected to the God you worship.

I went on to explain that I have NEVER found a church where I feel like I truly belong. Where my heart fills with joy. Where I feel spiritually connected to those around me. Which makes not attending church services seem ok - if I don't feel invested in the service, why attend?

But then I realized something. I HAVE ONCE BEFORE, stood in a place of worship and felt the POWER OF GOD. And the warmth of people believing with all their hearts in a greater good. I HAVE been touched in a way that still to this day I find indescribable.

And that was the day I attended services with my son at Lackland AFB. When we traveled to Texas to watch him graduate from Basic Training.

Because THAT experience was one of the single most powerful experiences of my life. So powerful, that I wrote about it on my blog when we returned home.

Which last week, I went back and read.

And thought I'd share it today.

Because after reading this I realized something else...

THIS is the type of church I will forever be looking for.

Because if something this amazing STILL effects me over 2 years later, how could I NOT want to recreate it??

And now, with CJ's unexpected deployment looming on the horizon, I sure would love to find this "feeling" again.

First posted in January 2008:


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uuvbBwsMTgI

This video HAS been posted on my blog before - you aren't imagining things. I just needed to include it again. This song, Letters From War, more than anything else, makes me feel close to CJ. As I've shared with y'all before (sorry if you've heard this already) CJ asked us to watch this video while he was still in Basic Training. CJ was allowed to attend a contemporary worship service on Sundays as a new recruit. This video was played during the service, greatly effecting every serviceman present. CJ said that he would sit each Sunday, as this video played, thinking about US back at home. He made us promise that we would watch the video and think of HIM.

Well, we watched and thought of him through heartfelt tears. This song is beautiful and the video is powerful. But above all else, it is the message that grabs my heart... MAKE IT HOME and MAKE IT SAFE. What more could we ask for?

We had the opportunity to attend a service with CJ while in Texas for his graduation. As I sat next to my son, watching this same video, my heart swelled. As I looked around the church and saw countless young servicemen and woman openly cry, I felt the most profound sense of peace. I shared a moment with my amazing son that can never be forgotten. We held hands and cried, both of us, but didn't feel sad. Instead, we felt warm. We felt complete. We felt blessed. To be in that moment, as an entire family, will forever be a defining moment in my life. It's a feeling I can't quite explain yet it's something I gain strength from in time of need.

And that time is now. I need to REMEMBER that moment and draw from the warmth I felt. I need to REMIND myself that CJ is proving to be a strong and capable young man, one that can and will take care of himself. I need to TRUST that he will rise to each challenge presented to him and will grow from this experience. But above all else, I need to BELIEVE that CJ will MAKE IT HOME and MAKE IT SAFE. He will, won't he?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s7T9-xkj290&feature=related

***Found this video on youtube. It was posted by a parent attending his son's BMT graduation. It was taken in the same church I talked about. The video I spoke of is playing in the front of the church. What you see is what we saw...hundreds of soldiers in different stages of Basic Training, joined together as one...swaying and openly weeping.

This is what I got to experience as I held my son's hand. This may not be the exact video of our experience but it might as well be. I get chills watching it.

Listen and look closely. You can hear them ALL singing. And you can see how moved they were.

Awesome, isn't it?

Perhaps Not My Typical MORBID MONDAY Post, But It Sure Felt Pretty Damn Awful When It Happened

Saturday afternoon, this dog:

Turned into this:

And the ONLY thing that kept him from doing this to my arm or leg:

Was this amazing contraption:

(A virtual high five to whomever invented the baby gate. Or in our house, a wiener gate. Cuz we use these little marvels of invention to keep the wieners out of certain areas of the house. Who knew it would save my life?)
~~~
I SUSPECT the reason Chauncey became the smallest Cujo in the land, was because I had the shear audacity to come between him and this:

His kill.
Which, without exaggerating AT ALL, was almost as big as him.
~~~
Now, before you ask HOW IN GOD'S NAME A BABY GATE SAVED MY LIFE, let me fill you in on one key piece of info.
Cuz without it, this whole MM post makes no sense.
~~~
Sir Chomps-a-lot aka Chompers aka Killer, didn't just catch and kill that ginormous squirrel you see pictured above (and yes, that IS the actual victim).
He actually brought the mother effin' rodent INTO MY HOUSE. Where he then proceeded to peel off his normal wiener dog exterior and morph into the scariest angry hot dog I have ever seen.
~~~
I managed to grab the wiener gate as he charged at me and Connor, who had come to see what his crazy mother was screaming about. Chauncey's teeth were gnashing and the wiener spit was flying. I actually looked like a damn lion tamer trying to keep this ferocious beast at bay.

~~~
It was seriously not funny. He meant business.
~~
He came at me time and time again, biting at the gate as I tried to keep him away from the squirrel. In the meantime, Connor used 2 pieces of firewood to pick up the newly deceased creature and toss it outside. Which, had I NOT been fighting off a possessed wiener, wold have been comical. Cuz two fat pieces of firewood do not make good chopsticks. Kudos to Connor for managing to pick up the critter without making a mess.
~~~
At this point, I'd like to tell you that removing the offending rodent ended this incredibly unpleasant experience.
~~~
But it didn't.
~~~
Cuz although the critter was no longer in the house, apparently it's scent was. And along with the scent of fresh kill, we were left with one pissed off wiener dog. One pissed off wiener dog that did NOT appreciate having his kill stolen.
~~~
In our defense, neither Connor nor I had any idea that Chauncey aka Killer was still gunning for blood. Neither of us gave any thought as to allowing both Chauncey and Fenway into the family room once the kill was removed. I assumed (stupidly) that no dead animal meant no problem.
~~~
Wrong. Very, very wrong.
~~~
And sadly, my stupidity greatly affected this little angel:

Our best guess? Fenway got a little TOO CLOSE to the spot where Killer had initially deposited his prize trophy....a spot that obviously still smelled like dead rodent.

Next thing I know, I hear screeching coming from the back room, screeching like I've never heard before. When I ran back to the family room, I found Chauncey attacking Fenway. And again, he looked like he meant business.

~~~

Not proud to say it, but I sort of kicked him off of her. I say sort of cuz it happened so fast, I'm not actually sure what I did. All I know is I shoved my UGG wearing foot into his belly and (I think) punted him away.

~~~

Fenway managed to escape and ran yelping into the kitchen. Once again, wiener gate came to the rescue. I used it to block Killer out of the kitchen as I checked on Fenny. She was bleeding from the ear which made sense once I realized she appeared to be missing a chunk of it. Poor Fenny.

~~~

The craziest part of it all? From beginning to end, and by end I mean the point when Killer returned to his normal wiener self, the entire incident lasted about 20 minutes. ONLY 20 MINUTES. Of course, I think I LOST a good year of my life dealing with it!

~~~

We always wondered what would happen if/when one of our wieners caught up with the wiley squirrels that taunt them from our fence daily. After all, wiener dogs were bred to scent, chase, and flush out badgers and other burrow-dwelling animals as well as to hunt smaller prey.

~~~

Guess we no longer need to wonder.

~~~

(Please God? If you're reading this blog, could you prevent my pups from ever catching another rodent? Or at the very least, could you make our local squirrel population smarter? Thanks. I'd really appreciate it. And so would Fenway. She doesn't want to lose any more of her ear.)

Fraggy-licious

What you gon' do with all those frags?

All those frags you like to brag?

Do ya, ya, ya need a bag?

A bag to dump your awesome frags?

My frags, my frags, my frags, my lovely little frags!

~~~

Pathetic, I know. Got the crazy idea to switch out the words to MY HUMPS by the Black Eyed Peas to frag appropriate words. NOT EASY. Not easy AT ALL. But once I started, couldn't stop. I'm anal that way. So sue me.

And deal with it.

And if you need to be mad at anyone, be mad at Mrs. 4444 from Half Past Kissin' Time. Cuz it's totally HER fault that I attempted this. Yep, HER fault.

~~~
*I realized that I think about chocolate a lot. A whole lot. Even when I'm not hungry. Cuz quite frankly, I don't need to be hungry to want chocolate. Which I seem to be fixated on getting my chocolate loving hands on all the time. Doesn't matter if I'm currently eating something chocolaty or not. Some small dark "JONESIN' FOR CHOCOLATE" corner of my mind is already thinking (and worrying) about where and when my next chocolate fix will arrive. I'm a damn chocolate junkie. Do they have support groups for that?
~~~
*Is it weird that I ALMOST feel bad for the one, lone, lazy mosquito that continues to fly around our house? He seems sort of sad, as if he knows he missed the party. Doesn't even seem to have enough energy to land on us let alone try to bite us. Of course, if he DOES land on me, I plan to squish the hell out of him. I said I ALMOST feel bad for him...ALMOST.
~~~
*Someone once referred to walking into a freshly soiled bathroom as being hit in the face with a shitty fist. I TOTALLY AGREE. I was sucker punched not once, but twice this week at work. Yuck.
~~~
*If my wiener's toes EVER stop smelling like Fritos, I don't think I can love them any longer. Call me a bad person but it's true. I'm addicted to Frito Toes. (Is there a support group for that?)
~~~
*Delighted to finally figure out who sings one of my current favorite songs. Even MORE delighted to find out that I get to see the song performed live in February.

(Link in case vid doesn't work)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eoaTl7IcFs8

*Hallie + pink bonneted Chihuahua = true love

Shocking. Be forewarned.

Please read!!!

If you are an owner of a dog that is classified as a 'dangerous breed' and you also have a child or a visiting small child, please take this as a warning.

Do NOT leave your dog with a small child unattended under any circumstances!!!

Only one little moment was enough for the following to happen.

See the photo below .....
*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*
*
*

Is It Just Me Or......Week 3!!!!

Is it just me or....is feeling like you HAVE to throw up almost WORSE than actually doing it? Seriously. That "I feel like I need to hurl chunks but can't" gurgling sensation sucks donkey balls. BIG hairy donkey balls.


Is it just me or...is this "straight off a police log" entry one of the funniest things you've ever read? I plan to use the description MERELY CANADIAN as often as possible. (No offense to any Canadians. I love you ALL..even if you DO do something suspicious with your flashlight!)

Is it just me or....do other bloggers forget "the most perfect blog topic" the second you sit down to write about it? Damn, if I don't "lose" 3-5 good topics per week. You know, the ones that come to you just as you're falling asleep? Or the ones that come to you when you don't have a scrap of paper to write on? Or a pen to write with? Or the ones that slip through your brain like the gentlest breeze on a warm summer day? I HATE when that happens. Why can't the "effers" stay put in my gray matter like I want?

Is it just me or....do most people find that they either pee a gazillion times per day or almost not at all? And just why does that happen? During the work week, I pretty much drink the exact same amount of liquids each day. Yet some days, I realize it's almost time to go home but I haven't visited the little girls room at all. And other days? I might as well move my office phone and computer in there....or just pour my tea and Diet Coke directly into the loo. Cuz in a matter of minutes, that's where it's gonna end up. So frustrating.

Is it just me or....do any of y'all dream about bloggers you've NEVER MET? And how weird is that? I mean, I've SEEN pics of most of you on your blogs. And I've even text messaged/emailed/talked on the phone to a bunch of you. But I've only ever met TWO of you in person (loved them both) but have never dreamed of them. Nope, the people I know IRL, I don't dream about. The ones I've never laid eyes on in person? All over my nighttime thoughts. And not surprisingly...y'all love me in my dreams!! Go figure! :)

Now it's YOUR turn....So play along if you're so inclined. Actually had TWO people play along last week. Let's see if we can beat that this week!

Throw together a list of all those things you think in your head...all those things that make you wonder "Am I the ONLY one that thinks this???" (Hence the "IS IT JUST ME OR..." title!!) All those things that you just KNOW others wonder about but never say!!!

Things you need to know to get started:
*Put together your list. (Can't wait to see what you come up with each week!)
*Mention my blog and link to my current edition of "IS IT JUST ME OR...."
*Hop on back over here and add the link to YOUR entry to the MckLinky list at the bottom of my post.

And while you're here, why not grab my brand new "CUTE AS A BUTTON" button and slap it onto your post! That way, if people click on it, they will be transported over here to the Wonderful World of Wieners. And who doesn't want to be transported to a world full of wieners? (The code to the button is at the top of the right hand column.)

Have fun and get linking!!! And don't forget to click over and visit those brave bloggers who linked up!! Tell them Hallie sent you!!

Randomness Is All I Got

I hate stomach aches. I hate them even more when I HAVE to work. Cuz then I'm stuck at work, in an upright position, (Why can't we work lying down?) with an ouchy tummy. Not fun.
~~~
To all those that asked...no, I am absolutely NOT responsible for my delightful new blog makeover. Actually, I can't stop LMAO that you think I could possibly handle such an undertaking. Cuz I can't. No talent in that area whatsoever. Thankfully, the blog God's were shining down upon my untalented ass when I was chosen as the winner of a total blog makeover contest courtesy of Becky at Creative Blog Designs. Becky asked me a few simple questions (questions I did a really shitty job of answering) and was able to come up with this fancy shmancy new look. And I LOVE IT!! I simply adore my new header. The use of the WORLD is brilliant!! I love it, love it, love it!! And am sooooo psyched to have a custom "made just for me" header. (cuz although I loved the one I had, I found it on the Internet and wasn't ever sure who made it)

Hop on over to Becky's site and ask her to work wonders for you! She is uberly talented and SO DAMN CHEAP!!! From what I can tell, she does a whole redo for only $30!! And if you don't want a whole makeover, she offers all kinds of smaller things for next to nothing!!
~~~
Only 38 days until Christmas. Which I WAS excited for. Until CJ's news arrived. Now, its arrival means that Shmoops is all that much closer to leaving. Unless, of course, I figure out a way to freeze time. Working on it....
~~~
Raging stomach ache or not, my yesterday started out amazing...thanks to my husband.
As we scrambled to get out the door in time to get us to work and Connor to school, he took an extra second to grab me and say,"Thank you for the greatest day yesterday." And then he kissed me. In that "might not be a long kiss but still makes my knees weak" kind of way.

It was so wonderful that I actually found myself bouncing down the rest of the stairs, with a giant ass smile plastered on my face.

23 years later and I PUFFY HEART him even more than I did back then.

~~~

Actually had TWO real live people link up to my "IS IT JUST ME OR..." Wednesday blog post last week. TWO REAL PEOPLE!!! Yeehaw for me!! And they both did a fantastic job!! Loved their lists. :)

Dare I hope that I might actually get MORE than two tomorrow??? Maybe even, **gasp** THREE REAL LIVE LINKERS??

Can't wait to see!!

(Wondering what the hell I'm talking about? Scroll back to last week or the week before to see what's what!)

Grind Over Matter

Meat grinder - 4, Hand - 0

Anyone in the mood for some ground beef?

What Do You Think????

Don't Rag On Me...Frag On Me!!!

Fragging on Fridays is my favorite. Don't think I'd feel fine if I didn't. Cuz quite frankly, I'm friggin' furious if I don't frag. And furious is NOT fantastic on a Friday. Right Mrs. 4444's?

So frag I will and fantastic I'll feel!

*Had the pleasure of watching several grown men attempt to make (and drink) a tomato martini....using a whole tomato. In a martini glass. Full of vodka. Yep. Martini glass. Vodka. Whole tomato. It was SUPREMELY entertaining to witness. Might have seemed odd if this same group of men hadn't already drank a kiwi martini (or was it that Midori concoction?) out of a GINORMOUS cut crystal flower vase. Can you say a good time was had by all? (and an even better time had by some???) :)

*If my kid looked across the table at me like this, I'd shit myself where I stood. Shit myself as I ran screaming from the room. Who knew Damien liked to color?

*The best part of THAT 70's SHOW? Kelso. Hands down. Kelso is da bomb. Catch a rerun now and again. See for yourself. He MADE that show.

*I'm not positive, but I'm pretty sure the only reason I don't die each night is because of my totally awesome, totally hot like a baked potato heated mattress pad. Cuz that thing keeps me toasty warm. ALL NIGHT LONG. (Sung in my best Lionel Richie voice.) I highly advise you get one if you don't already have one...if you live in a freakin' cold climate like Maine. Cuz if you live in Arizona or California, I highly doubt you'll appreciate it like I do.

*Why DOESN'T a banana split show up at my door each night? I wish it to happen as hard as I can. I even click my damn UGG wearin' heels together. But no effin' split of the banana variety appears. WTF? Even went so far as to buy my OWN damn bananas. Thought that MAYBE, just MAYBE if I provided the fruit, that the rest of the gang might just waltz on up and ring the bell. You'd be surprised how logical that seemed in my Ambien induced haze. Only realized how illogical it was when I woke up the next day to find I STILL had ONLY bananas. No "rest of the sundae gang" anywhere to be found.

*This week my heart belongs to the cutest pink dude around. Meet my new love, the axolotl. Not only does this little pink salamander rock the color pink like nobodies business he also has the cutest damn "feelers" I've ever seen. Plus, I sort of think he's smiling at me.

What's not to love? :)

February 3, 2010 - It's OK If You Never Arrive

"Dear God, I pray to give all of our soldiers the courage and strength to do the duty that is required of them. May they always remember our appreciation for the sacrifice they are making for us. We are thankful for the men and women who are willing to risk their lives to protect our freedom. I ask you to go with each of them and protect them wherever they go. Amen. "

Not sure it's ironic or apropos that we found out on Veterans Day that our son will deploy for Afghanistan in February.

Not sure it's relevant that on the day our country honors its military veterans, we learned what the future holds for our first born.

Not sure the two are connected at all, but yesterday it's all I could think about.

May not be sure of much but AM sure of one thing:

WE'RE DAMN PROUD OF OUR SON.

Is It Just Me Or......

Is it just me or...does Paula Deen have some sort of agreement with God? Sort of a GET OUT OF HEAVEN FREE card? Cuz with the amount of butter she uses in her recipes, she ought to be about six feet under. Hell, my arteries start to clog just watching her show!

Is it just me or...are exercise instructors too effing chipper? It's not enough that they're torchering us, but they have to go and look like they're in ecstasy while doing it. Asshats. All of them.

Is it just me or...is a needy wiener even MORE adorable than a non-needy wiener? If you don't have an opinion on this one, come on over and see for yourself. Cuz when Fenway wants attention, there's nothing, and I mean nothing, cuter.

Is it just me or...is this ask.com commercial SO FREAKIN' ADDICTING?? Not only is it addicting, but it's damn catchy!! I can't stop yelling out, "I DO, I DO!" Love it!!


Is it just me or...is life full of unexpected curve balls that suck MAJOR DONKEY BALLS? Don't believe me? Try wrapping your brain around the words DEPLOYMENT, OUT OF THE BLUE, MY KIDDO and AFGHANISTAN and then see if you agree.

Is it just me or...has my life INFINITELY improved since I discovered the saying "sucks donkey balls?" I'll answer this one. It has. Trust me.

*****LINK UP WON'T YOU?? PLEASE???? Pretty please??? :)

Stuff.

I like candy. I really, really do. But not sure I could eat these. Cuz zits in general freak me out. Especially ones that can be "popped." Gross.

I am in love with this monkey. I want to be this monkey. I want to kick back and chill like this monkey. Yep, chillaxin' like this monkey is my current life's goal.

I adore this shirt. Sock monkeys AND wiener dogs? Brilliant!!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Don't forget to hop on over here tomorrow and add your link to the 2nd edition of

IS IT JUST ME OR.....

Throw together a list of all those things you think in your head...all those things that make you wonder "Am I the ONLY one that thinks this???" (Hence the "IS IT JUST ME OR..." title!!) All those things that you just KNOW others wonder about but never say!!!

Started this last week and am loving it. Even had ONE REAL PERSON LINK UP!! How cool is that? Sue from Inappropriate Sue took a chance and played along. THANKS SUE! You will forever be known as the VERY FIRST "Is It Just Me Or...." linker. Really. That honor is yours. Where it with pride.

I puffy heart you Sue. :)

Might Be Morbid, Might Just Be Nasty. Either way, it's Monday!

I find a lot of things morbid. Lots and lots of things. Which makes writing a MORBID MONDAY post pretty damn easy. But it gets EVEN easier when people SEND you stuff they think are worthy of inclusion in an MM post.

And they're usually right. Cuz the stuff they send is JUST PLAIN NASTY.

(Thanks guys!)

~~

ALL of the following pics (except one) were brought to my attention by Jody.

~~

In an email.

~~

That directed me HERE.

~~

Which is now one of my new GO TO places to find morbid/NASTY crap.

~~

(Thanks Jody!)

Normally, flaking off skin wouldn't be something I'd label as morbid. But this one? This one is just nasty. Really, really nasty. And makes me want to gag. Really, really gag.

The female anatomy as a NORMAL SIZED PART OF THE FEMALE BODY is fine. But as (what appears) to be a FREAKISHLY GINORMOUS PAPIER MACHE BIKE RIDING (doesn't it look like its sitting on a bike?) representation of the female anatomy, it's gross. Really, really gross. And angry looking. Doesn't it look like it's yelling?

Same kind of thing as above. Breastfeeding a baby? Beautiful and natural. Breastfeeding a baby IF you're an effeminate version of Ronald McDonald? GROSS!!! Really, really gross.

Can barely look at this pic without vomiting. And I LIKE hard boiled eggs. But something about the hard boiled egg LOG just makes it seem EXTRA nasty. Really, really nasty.

Feeling hungry? Hungry enough to eat that black sludge like pile of infected goodness? Yep, I said infected. Cuz Cuitlacoche is a black fungus that infects corn and makes the kernels bulbous and swollen. And people eat it. And like it. Please kill me now. (This was brought to my attention by a reader that asked NOT to be named. She saw something gross and thought of me....yet was too embarrassed to fess up publicly!! LOVE IT!!)

This might not be morbid in the traditional sense but at the very least, it's freakin' odd to the nth degree. Cuz that dude IS odd. And scary. And needs a tan in the worst kind of way. Wonder if those pink pumps are his? Oh, who am I kidding...of course they are!!

I am almost 100% positive that the kid pumping the gas is a direct descendant of this guy. (Boobs or not, I'm convinced this is a dude) They both have reddish hair and they both OBVIOUSLY love the color pink. What more proof do you need?

Keep the morbid/nasty/EXTREMELY ODD stuff coming!!

I LOVE IT ALL!!!!

Friday Is The Only Day to Frag...What Other Day Would Work???

Thank God it's Friday. Cuz these fragments have been rattling around my head for over a week. And I need to get them out. Cuz rattling frags cause headaches and headaches are no good. Hats off to Mrs. 4444 from Half Past Kissin' Time for giving me a format to get them the hell out of my head!

~~

*Saw a lot of interesting trick-or-treaters on Halloween but none more interesting than "SLUTTY CANDY CORN WOMAN." Yep, I said woman. Woman WITHOUT A KID IN TOW. Woman WITHOUT A KID IN TOW trick or treating on her own. Wearing the shortest damn skirt and the tightest boob enhancing top I've ever seen. Add to that the candy corn striped THIGH HIGH stockings she was wearing and you get "SLUTTY CANDY CORN WOMAN." It was interesting. And a tad bit disturbing.

~~

*John tried to poison me this week with soup made using rotten chicken broth. It wasn't intentional but true nonetheless. Of course we DID learn a lesson we won't soon forget. ALWAYS check the expiration date on store bought chicken broth. Cuz high end broth or not, that shit DOES go bad.

~~

*I think it should be illegal to snow in New England UNTIL every gosh darn leaf has been raked up. Cuz NOW I have snow covered leaves to pick up. Which, if you haven't mad the connection, means it's EFFIN' cold outside. And raking leaves in freezing cold weather sucks....you guessed it....GINORMOUS DONKEY BALLS.

~~

*I won a blog makeover. And I'm psyched. Cuz I've been thinking that the old WWoW could use a little sprucing up but I truly have no idea how to go about it. I've managed to add a few things over the last 2 years but change it totally? NO EFFING WAY. I am NOT that talented. But Becky from Creative Blog Designs IS and I get to reap the benefits of her expertise. No idea when it will be ready to go but I can't wait to see it!

~~

*Last week I complained about the horrible and painful condition known as the paper cut. This week, I have a new issue...STUBBED TOES. Cuz they hurt like a mother effer. And I HATE when it happens. Which, since I started wearing UGGS, seems to be more often. Cuz UGGS may keep me cozy warm but they DON'T make me graceful. Yet I continue to wear them. Apparently warmth overrules pain any day.

~~

*My love affair with the DUMBO OCTOPUS and the ROSY LIPPED BAT FISH have ended. Instead, my heart is full of love for the blobfish.

Cuz if anything needs lovin', it's the blobfish.

Writer's Workshop

It's Thursday which means that Mama Kat over at Mama's Losin' It has assigned another Writer's Workshop assignment. And this week, her prompts were pretty cool.

1.) Describe something you're proud of.

2.) Tell me your most humorous wedding experience

3.) 10 reasons why you can't sleep at night

4.) Describe an experience that you wish you could shake from your memory.

5.) Write a love letter to the object of your affection.

Was planning on doing more than one (cuz I really like more than one) but time and stress forced me to choose just one.

And really? The one I picked really hits home. Cuz boy oh boy, do I have an experience that I WISH I could shake from my memory. Actually, I wish it had never happened. But alas, it did. And now it haunts me on a regular basis.

I've written about it before but it never gets any easier to talk about.

Cuz when your boobies make their world wide debut, one never forgets it!

Place: Our former home

Time: a hot August morning @ 5:30 am

It doesn’t really ever get SWELTERING hot in Maine. And when it does, I mostly love it. After the MONTHS and MONTHS of freezing cold snow we get, the few days in August when naked sleeping becomes a necessity (even with a fan or air conditioner) is actually something I look forward to.

And by naked sleeping, I mean topless. I, for the most part, do not usually sleep totally naked. I suffer from the “what happens if a fire breaks out in the middle of the night and I have to run fleeing into the streets so I have to have something on my body so my neighbors don’t see me naked” syndrome. This means if I’m topless, my bottom is covered. And if I’m bottomless, my top is covered. And yes, I realize that running into the street bottomless or topless would probably shock my neighbors just as much as if I were to run out totally nude. But I can’t help the way I think – it’s part of the syndrome. (and yes, I also realize that if my house were on fire that nudity should be the last thing I’m concerned with. But I am, and I’m not afraid to admit it!)

So there I was on this particular steamy August morning. Naked from the waist up, trying to find a bit of relief from the heat as we slept. I remember the night before had been a restless one…both John and I had tossed and turned all night long.

But at some point, in the wee hours between dusk and dawn, I slumbered. A deep, heat induced sleep of the dead. Until I heard it….

Now let me remind you that August in Maine brings the Balloon Festival to our town. For 3 days, 40+ hot air balloons launch twice a day, adding excitement to an otherwise boring summer. Our town has built an entire festival around this weekend bringing thousands to our little twin cities. The balloons are amazing and are quite the sight to see. We’ve grown accustomed to the added traffic and tourists – it’s well worth the hassle to see the sky dotted with such beauty.

That particular morning I remember being woken up to an odd sound. Sort of a whooshing noise followed by complete silence. Whoosh. Silence. Whoosh. Silence. I’m not sure how long it took me to wake up completely and realize that the sound was coming closer. Really close. Very, very close. And I wasn’t sure what it was. I do remember lying there thinking that if I ignore it, maybe it’ll just go away. And I also remember thinking that if it was REALLY bad, John would wake up and take care of it.

But the noise did NOT go away and John did NOT get up to address it. And it was getting louder. And louder. And I started to get concerned.

What could it be? What the hell could make such a loud whooshing noise and then be totally silent? I desperately wanted to go back to sleep but it quickly became obvious that unless I got up and checked it out, no sleep would be coming my way.

So I dragged my sleep weary body out of bed, being careful not to wake John in the process. As I stood next to the bed trying desperately to figure out what the hell that noise was, it got even closer. And it sounded like it was right outside the window. And I decided I needed to take a closer look.

I tiptoed over to the window and peered through the glass. Nothing to see. But something to hear….WHOOOSH. What the hell was it?

I decided the only thing to do was to open the window and take a look for myself. After all, John had still NOT stirred. It was time to take things into my own hands.

Up the window went and out the window popped my head. And my upper body so I could get a better look. To try to see where the whooshing was coming from.

And don’t you know it? I INSTANTLY discovered the source.

"Why hello Mr. Balloonist man and two people that have paid to take a ride in your balloon basket! How nice of you to fly ever so low close to our house and our bedroom window! And how lovely for the three of you that I’m hanging out my window to say good morning on this very hot and very steamy August morning..."

TOPLESS.

(John snickered every year after when the neighbors asked how we MANAGED to get the balloons to fly so close to our house!) :)

By the way....BINA, you won the boots!! Donna thought your entry was the best!! Email me your address and I'll ship them to you on Monday. Congratulations!!

My OWN Wednesday Thingy

Is it just me or....does my husband make the freakin' greatest cream of broccoli soup? Seriously people, it is TO.DIE.FOR. I say die cuz I would honestly kill for it. So get the hell out of my way. HALLISICLE NEEDS MORE SOUP!!!!!!!

Is it just me or...is using a wiener dog as a mouse pad just about the cutest damn thing you have ever seen? This picture makes my non-existent uterus cramp. I feel all squishy inside when I look at it. Makes me puffy heart love this kiddo even more than I already do.
***

Is it just me or...do some people not only ATTRACT drama like flies to shit but also REEK of that same drama day after day? Some days I just want to grab them by the shoulders and tell them to GROW THE EFF UP. I feel better just typing that!!
***

Is it just me or...does everyone find that they are a MUCH BETTER singer when they are driving alone in the car? Cuz quite frankly, Simon Cowell would BEG me to try out for AI if he heard me. Of course, outside my car, Simon would probably spit on me but inside? That man would KISS ME!!!
***

Is it just me or...is everyone getting DAMN EXCITED to officially ring in the Christmas season? Which, if I was in charge, would start NOW. Or NOW. Or at the very least....NOW. Cuz I can't wait to start decorating the house, cranking the carols and singing fa-la-la-la-la til I lose my voice. Or John kills me. Whichever comes first. (Death by John is more likely to happen. Cuz man, does he get cranky if I hum Xmas carols before the day after Thanksgiving!)
***

Now it's YOUR turn....if you choose to take part.(If you haven't already posted a blog entry for today. And if you have? How bout' next week?)

And it WILL be your turn every Wednesday if you so choose to partake. Cuz although many bloggers have jumped on the WORDLESS WEDNESDAY bandwagon, this extroverted, talks a mile a minute blogger, NEEDS CONVERSATION!!!

So I've decided to start my very own version of Wordless Wednesday. Or the exact OPPOSITE of Wordless Wednesday as it may be. Cuz I WANT YOU TO TALK!! And I WANT YOU TO USE WORDS!!! MANY, MANY WORDS!! AND PICS if you want!!!!

And I call it "IS IT JUST ME OR..."

Catchy huh? :)

I know it doesn't roll off your tongue like Wordless Wednesday did. And I KNOW alliteration is the preferred way to go when picking a title for these recurring themed blog entries. But damn, if I couldn't come up with anything clever. Once I got stuck on "IS IT JUST ME OR...." I couldn't move beyond it.

And I decided that's ok.

I will be the one blogger in blogland that runs a weekly thingy that has a title that ISN'T easy to remember. Or maybe it WILL be easy cuz it's NOT like all the rest.

Guess we'll just have to wait and see.

So play along if you're so inclined. (And if no one does? Heck, I'll just play with myself.) ;)

Throw together a list of all those things you think in your head...all those things that make you wonder "Am I the ONLY one that thinks this???" (Hence the "IS IT JUST ME OR..." title!!) All those things that you just KNOW others wonder about but never say!!!

Things you need to know to get started:
*Put together your list. (Can't wait to see what you come up with each week!)
*Mention my blog and link to my current edition of "IS IT JUST ME OR...."
*Hop on over and add your entry to the MckLinky at the bottom of my post

**I'd make a cute little button for you to grab and post but I have no idea HOW to makea cute little button for you to grab. Anyone want to tell me how?? :)

If all goes as planned (and I didn't screw this linky thing up) you're link will show up in the list in the next available slot.

And if I screwed it up? I'll fix it. And hope that next week, I won't eff it up!!!

Happy posting!!!

More is NOT Less

There really is such a thing as TOO MUCH OF A GOOD THING.

Cuz although skin IS a good thing....

...too much skin is a VERY, VERY BAD THING.

Let me go on record as saying that I, Hallie Twomey, don't ever want to have this much skin.

Because, quite frankly, I don't know what I'd do with it. And I don't think I'd ever get over the fact that the front of my body looked like a giant squid. What? You don't see it? Look closely. Do you see it now? The nipples are the eyes and the rest....well, the rest looks like a giant squid body. At least I think it does. Cuz that's what I saw almost INSTANTLY when I stumbled upon this picture. And I can't move beyond it. Which is why, I am 100% POSITIVE that I couldn't handle having a big giant squid body. Cuz I don't think I like squid even a little.

Do I hazard a guess and ASSUME that this young fellow lost a shit load of weight, hence leaving him with all that excess baggage? And is there somewhere I can donate to help him get all those layers removed?

Cuz it can't be comfortable to live like this. Nor can it be easy having to face a future with all this LITERALLY dragging you down. And from the looks of his youngish face, this squidy looking guy has a LONG LIFE ahead of him.

And it appears he's not alone. And that this "SQUID" phenomenon is not as uncommon as one might have thought. Although, if I'm being totally honest, I don't quite SEE the squid in this pic as much as I do in the first pic. This one actually looks like a melted squid. A really, really melted squid. And I don't think I like melted squid anymore than I like regular old non-melted squid.

And to think...

...it MIGHT all start with one freakishly wrinkly armpit.

Lord help me.

Nothing Morbid About.....A SURPRISE CONTEST!!!

Had a topic all lined up for today's Morbid Monday post but decided to shake things up a bit.

Why you might ask?

No idea.

But I'm doing it anyway.

Blame it on a great weekend. Cuz I'm feeling rather generous after having 3 such great days full of good friends and successful home improvement projects. It's amazing how accomplishing what you set out to do can make you feel so good! We raked leaves (44 bags and counting), insulated half of the basement (rest to be finished today or tomorrow) and put a ceiling in (the one I ripped out in an Ambien induced haze right before John damn near sliced off his hand).

All in all, we tackled a lot. Can I get an AMEN??? :)

Today's contest has a pretty specific prize, one that only a woman with a size 7 foot will appreciate. Cuz the prize is a beautiful pair of PENNY LOVES KENNY, black suede boots....size 7. I bought these boots last year to replace the pair my sister-in-law gave me a few Xmas's ago. I wore out the ones she gave me and hoped to replace them with a similar pair. Couldn't find the EXACT same boots but these looked like they might do the trick. Paid **gasp** $110.00 for them and **gasp** threw out the receipt long before I ever tried them on.

Well, as luck (or unluck) would have it, they don't fit me. Well, they DO fit me but they are a bit too big in the heal. Which means my heal tends to slide up too much to wear them. (Have discovered lately, that I APPARENTLY have a very narrow heal. Who knew? Also found out years ago that I have a VERY TOUGH spinal covering but that's blog fodder for another day!)

Anyway, my loss is your gain.

All I did was TRY THEM ON ONE TIME. Walked ABOUT 10 feet in them INSIDE MY house before realizing they wouldn't work. So basically, they are brand spanking new.

And would make a KICK ass addition to your wardrobe.

(If you're a size 7)

Or a KICK ASS Christmas present for someone on your list.

(If that person is a size 7)

Either way, if you can use a BRAND NEW $110.00 pair of PENNY LOVES KENNY black suede boots (that can be worn high or scrunched down), you NEED to enter this contest.

It's that easy.

All you have to do is come up with your OWN LYRICS to the famous Nancy Sinatra song, "THESE BOOTS ARE MADE FOR WALKING." (which, if I'm being totally honest, I don't like. But what other song fits this contest more perfectly?)

I'm posting the words to the first verse and chorus. All you have to do is replace them with your own!!

"You keep saying you've got something for me.
something you call love, but confess.
You've been messin' where you shouldn't have been a messin'
and now someone else is gettin' all your best.

These boots are made for walking, and that's just what they'll do
one of these days these boots are gonna walk all over you"

You have until Wednesday at 9pm (est) to enter. You MUST, MUST, MUST post your lyrics ON THIS POST!!!! Not on Tuesdays entry and definitely not on Wednesday. They must ALL be posted here.

And you MUST live in the good old US of A so that I don't go broke shipping them to you. Sorry to anyone reading outside of this country. I promise if I ever win the lottery to start shipping prizes EVERYWHERE!!!

Can't wait to see what all y'all come up with...assuming anyone actually enters.

I SUPPOSE it's possible that no one wants a brand new pair of gorgeous suede boots. Or that only 1 or 2 people do. (what great odds you'd have!)

Let's hope that doesn't happen. Cuz I KNOW y'all are creative and can come up with some fun new lyrics!

I will my ask my neighbor Donna to pick the winner when she comes over Wednesday night to watch Glee. (Haven't asked her yet. PLEASE DONNA??? PRETTY PLEASE???) :)

I will announce the winner Thursday.

Good luck and get steppin'! (Boot joke...get it??)
**

BTW...The pink dot in the above picture? No idea what that is. Please ignore. :)

Happy Ween of the Hallow Variety!!

It may rain here tonight for all the little treat of the trickers, but we adults will still be GETTIN' OUR DRINK ON...cuz no amount of Mother Nature's wet stuff will keep us from Captain Morgan's elixir. Or Corona's golden smoothness. Or whatever wine the neighborhood winos choose to uncork.

(Or unscrew....Cuz honestly, these gals will drink just about anything that comes from the "wine" aisle!)

~~

So, Mother Nature, bring it on.

We ain't scared.

We have LIQUID COURAGE!!!! :)

So Little Brain Power, So Many Frags

Mrs. 4444 says it's time to frag.

~~

Short and to the point.

~~

Cuz after spending one week wondering WHAT THE HELL DIED IN OUR KITCHEN, my creative brain is a bit fried.

~~

Good thing frags require only minimal creativity!!

~~

*I hate fast food drive thrus...but not for the reason you think. Cuz if I'm working my way through a drive thru, it's because I'm jonesin' for a Whopper Jr. Or Chicken McNuggets. Or a very yummy Frosty.

~~

What I HATE is the panicked feeling I get when the VOICE FROM BEYOND continually screams out, "MAY I HELP YOU?" as I'm trying desperately to make up my mind.

~~

And before you accuse me of getting in line UNPREPARED, let me point out that I totally DO know what I want when I take my place in line. It's just that something unexplainable happens between the time my car enters the line and the time that the VOICE FROM BEYOND starts squawking.

~~

I like to call it the "OH MY GOD, MAYBE I DON"T WANT WHAT I ORIGINALLY WANTED AND NOW NEED TO QUICKLY ATTEMPT TO CHANGE MY MIND CUZ I'M PISSIN' OFF THE PEOPLE IN THE CAR BEHIND ME AND THE VOICE FROM BEYOND SOUNDS IRRITATED AND WON'T SHUT UP, ONLY TO DECIDE I DO IN FACT WANT WHAT I ORIGINALLY SELECTED" phenomenon.
~~
*Text messages from my youngest kiddo that start off with "my tooth chipped" do NOT make me all warm and fuzzy. Cuz this is the same kiddo that's sportin' $6200.00 worth of VERY RECENT dental work. Damn soccer ball and damn kid that kicked said soccer ball. Is it odd if I wrap Connor's head in bubble wrap?
~~
*October's yearly dilemma for Hallie:

Do I buy the candy I like and then try like hell NOT to eat the leftovers?

(Which my fat ass does NOT need.)

Or I do I buy the Halloween candy I hate and then bitch loudly when we have leftovers I WON'T eat?

(Which my fat ass appreciates.)

~~

*Walking into a cloud of gas of an unknown origin...as I'm innocently shopping...is truly nauseating. Cuz gas (aka floating fecal particles) is the LAST thing I need to enhance my shopping experience. I propose that alarms go off and lights flash whenever someone "drops an air deuce" in a public place.
~~
*Leaves.Suck.Massive.Donkey Balls. Cuz unless those effers agree to STAY ON THE DAMN TREE WHERE THEY FRIGIN' BELONG, I will NEVER like them. 26 bags so far and NOWHERE near the end. And as a side note....I think it should be TOTALLY LEGAL to dump any leaf that falls into your yard from a neighbors tree, back onto their property. Seriously. Not only should it be legal to RETURN THEM TO SENDER, but the OWNER should have to come and retrieve them himself.

I'm IN LOVE with the "CLEAN" version of this video...for obvious reasons!

I LOVE IT, I LOVE IT, I LOVE IT!!

But I also love the "NOT SO CLEAN" VERSION too!!

If you're daring enough to watch this one, watch the WHOLE THING! Cuz it all makes sense in the end!!

Links to both in case the videos don't show up!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LxRtsv9yH5w&NR=1

Clean version

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7RkYoVv5NGA&NR=1&feature=fvwp

Unclean version

Jeff Goldblum...The Younger Years

Doesn't every good fly have a wiener by his side?

Things a Wiener Woman Finds Intriguing

Coolest lizard/gecko thing ever. How amazing would it be to blend into your surroundings like that? Just think...I could "hide" amongst the PRADA bag display at Saks and never be discovered!!
Best Halloween costumes EVER. And no, I'm NOT talking about the stupid storm trooper or lame ass security guy. Cuz those two things SUCK MASSIVE DONKEY BALLS as compared to the TOTALLY AWESOME, TOTALLY ROCK MY WORLD "yip yaps" from Sesame Street. I LOVED THEM SOOOOOOO MUCH when I was younger. And I TOTALLY PUFFY HEART them now!!

Don't get these at all. I mean, I KNOW they're supposed to be breasts made out of chocolate but why is the top "pair" sporting a see through brown bra? That IS supposed to be a bra, right? And it IS see through. If it wasn't, I don't think there would be such obvious nipplage showing. At least the bottom "pair" makes a little more sense. That one appears to have a very sheer, mostly see thru white bra. But the top set? Just not sittin' right with me.

I am TOTALLY considering blowing this up and carrying it with me AT ALL TIMES. Cuz this dude really SAYS IT LIKE IT IS.

These wouldn't make it in my house for 5 minutes. Fenway would have to kill them. Instantly. Cuz Fenway STRONGLY believes that ANYTHING furry and soft is fair game for a wiener thrashing. She can be VERY unladylike when confronted with a stuffed animal. What she'd do to a mean looking stuffed slipper like this makes me cringe.

Maybe it's because I'm obsessed with promoting organ donation. Or maybe it's because I had a hella lot of Hello Kitty when I was growing up. Either way, this speaks to me in ways that I can't explain.

I THINK this is a bar in Russia. Although I can't be totally certain. Cuz quite frankly, I saved the pic but FAILED to make note of where I found it. For some reason, Russia keeps popping into my head. I really hope I'm right. Cuz I REALLY want to go there and sit in one of those kick ass chairs.

(How hard can it be to find a nameless bar in Russia?)

I'm oddly craving a t-bone steak right now. Not my fault though....the artist's the one that decided to lop off the legs.

Everyone Might Have Been Crying But I STILL Found a Friend!

When I traveled to Westboro, MA this weekend to read the letter I wrote to my Dad's donor family, I KNEW it would be emotional. When I agreed to read that letter in front of all those people, I KNEW it would be amazing. And when I offered to share my heartfelt words in such a public manner, I KNEW it would leave me feeling humbled.

What I didn't know or expect, was that I would end up meeting 2 women that I INSTANTLY wanted to call my friends. (I'd say GREAT friends but since they MIGHT be reading this, I don't want them to think I'm a crazy stalker. Figure I'll let them learn that one on their own!)

Seriously, I had no idea that my path would cross with two such awesome people. And awesome they are.

Amy and Michele sat at the same table as my Dad and CJ. Amy was there, in honor of her twin sister Mandy, who tragically died in a car accident 6 years ago. Amy was asked to take part in the candle lighting portion of the ceremony. Amy and Michele introduced themselves to us and it was as if we had known them forever.

Even sitting there, surrounded by grieving families, our small group was able to laugh a little and connect a lot. Amy and Michele even "got" my Dad's humor which is pretty miraculous. (I adore my Dad but not everyone ADORES his unique sense of humor!)

The conversation was easy and never seemed forced. It was simply a wonderful experience.

By the end of the event, information had been exchanged so that we might reconnect in the future.

Which, via this blog and the crazy world of FB, we've done already.

And I couldn't be anymore pleased if I tried.

Cuz I was right. They ARE awesome. And we ARE already forming the basis for a kick ass friendship.

And I can't stop smiling.

Cuz although I went there to GIVE my words of thanks to ALL the donor families in attendance, I GOT two new friends.

And for that, I am HUGELY thankful.

I guess the saying is true....if you do good things, good things will come back to you.

Cuz finding new friends in the most unexpected place is certainly A GOOD THING.

A Picture's Worth A Thousand "WTF's?"

When thinking up ideas for my MORBID MONDAY posts, I do A LOT of research. Cuz although I have tons of morbid ideas floating around my otherwise angelic brain (stop laughing) occasionally I need help. Help to come up with a topic I have yet to cover. Cuz sometimes, it's really tough to uncover something morbid that hasn't been talked about already.

Which is why I LOVE ME SOME GOOGLE.

Cuz google, when finessed and spoken to ever so sweetly, coughs up some kick ass subject matter. It actually delivers to my "morbidly curious head" stuff that I might otherwise NOT have thought of.

Like these pics.

I call them, "SHIT THAT SHOULDN'T SHOW UP IN AN XRAY." Or, if that doesn't sum it up adequately, "WHY THE HELL DID YOU SHOVE THAT THERE?" might work as well.

Reason #861 you should NOT offer to stand with an apple on your head.

So THAT'S where I left my keys.

Picture on the right makes me cringe. Picture on the left makes me hungry for cake.

This is one bottle of soda I do NOT want to drink.

If you need to pick your nose, use your finger.

Hard to tell what that is in this xray (Syringe? Balloon? Bicycle pump?), but whatever it is, I suspect it shouldn't be THERE.

I love this one ONLY because that's EXACTLY what my head feels like when I get a migraine and EXACTLY where it hurts.

I don't care who's calling, I ain't home.

If It Were Only This Easy...

But because it's not, I'm off doing my part to raise organ donation awareness.

~~

If you're not already an organ donor, please take a minute to consider signing up.

It truly CAN make a difference.

~~

Just ask my father.

~~

"Why take your organs to heaven...heaven knows we need them here."

Laugh or Admit You're Dead...It's That Simple!

I'M A FRAG HAG

Fragging and Fridays go together like cookies and cream.

Like green eggs and ham.

Like Wheat Thins and Ambien.

(Trust me....they do.)

So who am I to upset the perfect FRAG and FRIDAY relationship that Mrs. 4444 @ Half Past Kissin' Time has created???

*Speaking of FRAGS....Fraggle Rock was/is (in reruns) a GREAT little show. Fraggles are just cute. And industrious. And Muppets...which makes them awesome in my book. Cuz Muppets? Muppets make me happy. :) "Dance your cares away, worries for another day, Let the music play, (boom, boom, boom), Down at Fraggle Rock!"

~~
*Why is it that I expect the stuff I list on EBAY to SELL INSTANTLY? And when it doesn't IMMEDIATELY get a bid, I start cursing all Ebayers everywhere? And yes, before you ask, I DO know that there are 10 gazillion other items for sale at any one time on Ebay. But I don't care. It's my stuff and I want it to sell NOW!!!!
~~
*I am totally serious when I tell you that I look different in EVER MIRROR I SEE. Cuz I SWEAR my hair looked good when I left the house yesterday morning. But when I got to work and caught a glance of myself in the bathroom, I thought someone else was looking back at me.....someone with NOT SO GOOD LOOKING HAIR!! WTF? Aren't all mirrors the same? Is there some grand mirror conspiracy I'm unaware of?
~~
*Wednesday, I had a hair stuck in my cleavage that drove me effing crazy. And no, Mr. Smarty Pants, the hair was NOT attached to me. (Last I looked, my chesticles were hair free) No, it didn't sprout there. Which is a good thing. Cuz I'd lose my shit if I found a hair THIS long growing between "the girls." This stupid hair apparently migrated from my head all the way down to my cleav. (short for cleavage...stay with the program people!) And proceeded to tickle me like a son of bitch until I went fishing to find the source. Hair between your boobs? Not pleasant. Trust me.
~~
*I've decided that closed toilet lids, although aesthetically pleasing, scare the crap out of me. (No pun intended. Well, maybe a LITTLE pun.) Cuz when I walk into the bathroom at work and see the toilet seat down, I experience a supreme case of paranoia...paranoia as to WHAT I might "find" under that lid. And that my blogging friends, is NOT how I want to start off my work day.

*Last week I had it BAD for the adorably puckered up BAT FISH. Yep, I wanted to plant one on it in the worst way. But this week, my heart belongs to another. Another known as the Dumbo Octopus. Cuz MAN OH MAN, do I want to squish the hell outta that little guy!!!

KNICK KNACKS???? NO WAY!!!

I've caught a few episodes of HOARDERS lately and it's had a horrible effect on me.

Because of this show and the horrific illness they showcase, I now want to throw away everything I own. And I do mean almost everything.

Which is a HUGE problem for the likes of me. Cuz I am, by nature, a minimalist. A true, honest to goodness, God fearing minimalist.

I'm actually the exact OPPOSITE of a hoarder.

I save almost nothing. I despise clutter. Knick knacks are my own personal hell.

In our house the running joke is, "If it's not nailed down, out it goes." Seriously. Poor John has lost many a loose items to one of my "must minimize our already minimal clutter" episodes. Yet he still loves me. Go figure. :)

So when a true minimalist like myself gets motivated to rid her world of even MORE stuff, it's a problem. A REAL problem.

Cuz I can't resist the urge to purge.

And I can't stop jonesin' to TOSS.SOMETHING.OUT. Or BAG.SOMETHING.UP. Or PUT.SOMETHING.OUTSIDE.

(and hope that it somehow finds a new home)

Nope, I can't stop the need to CLEANSE MY ENVIRONMENT. Which, as I pointed out, is a problem. And not appreciated by those that live here. Although truth be told, John is pretty much a minimalist anyway. Which makes it easier on both of us. Cuz when both people dislike "stuff," it's harder to throw something out that will be TRULY missed!

But Connor? Connor is another story altogether. Cuz Connor likes STUFF. Lots of stuff. But not in a hoarding kind of way. Just in a 16 year old teenage boy kind of way. Actually, I suspect that he's pretty normal in his "stuff liking" way.

And if he's ever not? I'm here to straighten him out.

LUCKY HIM!!!! :)

(Off to take a look around.....I just KNOW there's more clutter hidden somewhere!)

**Georgie...you won the $25 AMEX gift card!! Congrats!!! Not only does your comment EXACTLY speak to WHY I will forever continue to raise organ donation awareness, but it also made my spirits SOAR!! Thank you for sharing that most perfect moment. Your words truly will help me KEEP ON, KEEPIN' ON!)

Pictures of My Wieners

Feel free to click on the pics to enlarge my wieners.

(And yes...my inner adolescent boy is alive and well!!)

**Contest winner to be announced tomorrow cuz I'm having a hell of a time deciding which comment I like best! Feel free to scroll down and enter to win if you haven't already! Might as well make my job harder!!)

~~~~~

Cool blog makeover contest over at Creative Blog Design! Becky is giving one lucky winner a complete blog make over!!! Hop on over and enter!! And tell her I sent you!!

Words Could Make You A Winner!

In 5 short days, I will publicly read the letter I wrote my Dad's donor family. On Sunday I will travel to Massachusetts to take part in a wonderful ceremony. I will stand in front of a large group of people directly affected by organ donation....those that chose to donate their loved ones organs to save another.

To say that it's a humbling experience is an understatement, because it's so much more that that. It's truly a life altering moment.

And I should know. Because I've already done this once before. And I'm STILL riding on an emotional high.

Reading the letter here in Maine was unforgettable. It really was.

And the ironic thing? The New England Organ Bank asked me to read my letter to help others see what a powerful impact organ donation has. Asked me to read my letter to help others know how grateful organ recipients and their families are. Asked me to read my letter to inspire people to continue to give the greatest gift they will ever be asked to give.

Yep, they asked ME to help others.

Yet I think this experience helped ME more than anyone else.

Because I walked away from that reading more EMPOWERED to continue spreading my message, more GRATEFUL to those who, in losing their life, made life possible and more INSPIRED by those that made the ultimate choice to save a life.

Yes, I walked away a better person for the experience. And I can't wait to do it again.

To help prepare me for Sunday's event, I thought I might ask y'all to feed my soul.

With inspirational words.

Or poems.

Or lyrics.

Or positive affirmations.

Basically anything that will help keep me riding on this euphoric high as I ready myself for Sunday.

And to thank you for taking the time to "build my spirits," I'm giving away the $25.00 American Express gift card that was initially donated to my raffle, given away, then returned to give away once again. :)

I TOTALLY realize that y'all would probably have left an uplifting comment without the possibility of winning something, but I'm STILL giving the gift card away. It makes me feel good and it's my blog...so that's that!!

Take a minute to leave me a comment with something that makes YOU feel good, something that inspires/motivates you to keep on keepin' on.

Doesn't matter if it's long or short, serious or funny, original to you or not.

Whatever works for you, just might work for me. :)

***Judging will be COMPLETELY subjective - whichever one I like most, wins!!!

NOT a Swell Smell

In honor of the foul, nasty smelling odor emanating from my kitchen wall, I give you these 2 pictures. Cuz these two pics most accurately depict what I think is causing the smell.

And smell it does. Like death. Like death that died 3 weeks ago. Like death that died 3 weeks ago AFTER being dead for 6 months. Yep, it smells THAT BAD.

And we can't find what's causing it. Which pisses me off. A LOT.

Cuz the smell of death in your kitchen is NOT pleasant. NOT. AT. ALL.

I've decided that since the wall space behind our kitchen counter is not big enough to support the weight of a human corpse (that's where the smell SEEMS to be coming from) that the smell is most likely NOT that of a rotting person. But if it COULD support the weight of a human body, I would DEFINITELY say that that's the cause. Cuz it smells that bad. Did I mention that?

So instead of assuming it's rotting human flesh, I'm assuming it's rotting rodent flesh. Cuz quite frankly, that's the only thing that makes sense.
Yep...this is what I imagine is currently residing in my kitchen wall. Pleasant, huh?
And when I close my eyes at night (courtesy of my beloved friend Ambien), this is what I envision happening just out of my reach. (Not that I want to reach out and touch the damn thing but I WOULD like to find the effer and throw it the hell out)

For now, we sit and wait for the noxious fumes to dissipate. Well, sit and wait AND spray ridiculous amounts of Febreeze, Oust and Lysol.

Which, according to Connor, simply makes it smell like LEMONY DEATH.

Which, according to us all, sucks MAJOR ROTTING RODENT FLESH DONKEY BALLS. :(

Jonestown Anyone???

Fridays mean NOTHING to me if I can't frag. Which means Mrs. 4444 from Half Past Kissin' Time is a damn fine brain washer....one that makes a MEAN glass of Kool Aid.

*Motion activated coupon dispensers at grocery stores should be outlawed. Cuz at 6:56 AM, when you whip in to grab some Diet Coke, ANYTHING that unexpectedly talks to you in the Kleenex aisle is NOT APPRECIATED. Stupid tiny woman inside that tiny stupid motion activated screen should be made to pay for the year of life I lost when she screamed out HELLO.

*"Something inside has died and I can't hide it, I just can't fake it." And by inside I mean IN OUR WALLS....we think. Cuz we looked everywhere else and found nothing. But something in the kitchen is NOT good. And smells like it MIGHT be coming from behind the cabinets. And I'm NOT happy. And can't stop singing that damn Carole King song.

*If you see an errant nipple laying around my house, it's mine. Cuz it was so cold yesterday that I'm pretty sure one of mine fell off. Sorry kids, it needed to be said.

*I suck major donkey balls. Yet John still loves me. Poor guy adores ANYTHING made with apples. Apple pie, apple crisp, apple dumplings. If it's got apples (and maybe some cinnamon) John is a happy man. So do you think I made him ANYTHING with apples this apple picking season? Better yet, do you think I even WENT apple picking? I'm such a failure....

*I wish Someday, Someway by Marshall Crenshaw would somehow make a comeback. Cuz I love that damn song. And I don't hear it nearly enough.

*Does anyone else ever find themselves wondering how Isaac, Julie and Captain Stubing are doing...and then remember that The Love Boat wasn't real? :(

*I have an overwhelming urge to kiss this:

I mean if this Rosy Lipped Bat Fish didn't pucker up for me, than who??

A Hooker Is, As a Hooker Does

In honor of todays Writing Workshop prompt from Mama Kat, I'm reposting the entry I first wrote back in May 2008.

Cuz although I COULD write about it again, nothing's gonna change the fact that I WAS, in fact, named after a hooker.

Yep, it's true. And my Dad INSISTS I share this tidbit of info with y'all. He tried to do so himself via a comment on my post entitled "What's In A Name?" but he wasn't tech savvy enough to pull it off. So instead, he called me and told me to do it myself. And then he told me I HAD TO DO IT cuz y'all would WANT TO KNOW.

So here I am.....revealing that I was, in fact, NAMED AFTER A HOOKER.

A beautiful hooker with a beautiful name.....according to my father.

Apparently, my Dad watched a movie sometime around my delivery. The movie was called A WALK ON THE WILDSIDE (1962). The main character, played by a french actress named Capucine, was a hooker named Hallie. And apparently, my Dad became smitten. Ask him yourself and he'll tell you what he told me. She was beautiful and she had a beautiful name. Case closed.
~~~~~~~~~~~

Not sure he TOLD my mom where the name Hallie came from (when he nixed her choice of Lisa Marie) but whatever he said, it worked.

And now, years later, I am sharing my dirty secret with y'all. Well, really it's my Dad's dirty secret. Well, really it's not cuz if you know my Dad (and some of you do) you know that nothing IS really dirty to him! :)

He thinks it's entirely normal that he named his daughter after a beautiful HOOKER with a beautiful name!

"Hi, my name is Hallie and I was named after a hooker."

"Hi, Hallie!"

***Don't think I'll burst my Dad's bubble re: his beloved Capucine. Probably wouldn't thrill him to know that his "crush" suffered from bipolar disorder throughout her life and attempted suicide several times. Might not help either for him to know that in 1990, at the age of 57, she finally succeeded by jumping from her eighth-floor apartment. I doubt that THAT image is how he wants to remember her!

~~~
***I will also add that today, as an adult, I TOTALLY appreciate my name. I LIKE that I'm one of the only Hallie's around. And that when people call out "Hallie," they are most likely looking for me. (Ok, that's not always a good thing but most of the time it is)

But as a kiddo? I HATED IT!! Nothing had my name on it. NOTHING.AT.ALL.

No barrettes, no stationary, no cute plastic license plates for the back of my banana seat bike.

And DAMN....did I REALLY, REALLY want one of those license plates!!

God bless my wonderful co-worker Christine, who after hearing about my sad non-license plate youth, surprised me with this:
I will cherish it ALWAYS. :)

Funk You

I'm in a HUGE funk. Which appears to be never ending. Well at least not SOON ending. Cuz stress has a way of sticking around. Which sucks...you guessed it....MASSIVE DONKEY BALLS.

So in an attempt to cheer myself up, I decided to list a few things that currently make me happy.

In lieu of getting the everyday PRADA bag I so justly deserve,(which would perk me up ASAP), I decided to write this list.

(This is only a few of the things that currently make me happy. There's obviously more. But I'm too "funktified" to list them all.)

Not sure it really helped but it DID make me smile...briefly.

I'm happy....

-that people notice when I'm missing from the blogging world. And that those people contact me via other methods to make sure I'm alive. Which is cool. And nice to know that if no one was around to find my body in real life, that someone in the blogging world would call 911 before I started to rot.

-that I managed to buy a bunch of Xmas presents this past weekend. Cuz there's ONLY 72 days left and I'm usually much farther ahead than I currently am. Of course I have a crap load left to buy but at least I started. Ok, ok...I DID get myself one item but only because John likes how my butt looks when I wear them! How can I NOT buy them?

-that I have 2 crazy ass wieners to greet me each and every time I walk in/out of a door...as if I've been gone for years. I highly recommend each of you find a wiener and embrace it lovingly. Read into that what you will.

-that ACE OF CAKES exists cuz CAKE BOSS is the worst.show.ever. And now I will probably be "offed" for saying that. Cuz I'm convinced that CAKE BOSS is merely a "not so clever" cover for the mafia.

-that John trips over himself to turn the channel if I'm in the room and a spider shows up on the screen. Cuz in HD, spiders are horrifying...even more than they normally are. And although we don't have the biggest flat screen TV mounted on our wall, 42" of spider is 42" TOO MANY.

-that my BFF reminds me OFTEN that my life is better because of her, that no one will ever replace me in her eyes and that John and I'd sleep MUCH better with her sandwiched between us. Yep, she said that. Apparently all my life is lacking is a Kimmy smamich. ;) (Never said she was normal.)

-that the Duggars seem to truly love each of the gazillion kiddos they have. Figure that in and of itself is pretty impressive. Wonder if they always like them?

I Laugh In the Face of a Challenge....HA HA HA!!

Fragmented Fridays are always fun..but not always challenging. Cuz I tend to have a GAZILLION fragments floating around my head. Which makes tossing some of them out here a no brainer.

So this week I decided to kick it up a notch and challenge myself....to come up with a FRAG for every letter in the words FRAGMENTED FRIDAY.

And possibly impress Mrs. 4444 from Half Past Kissin' Time while I'm at it. Since she's the creator of FF, it's important to make her proud!

F – Fish heads do NOT seem appetizing to me. At all. Yet Andrew Zimmerman from Bizarre Foods would like me to believe otherwise. But what the hell does he know? He happily munches on pickled guinea pig and rodent brains while willingly burning a llama fetus as a way to ensure health and prosperity. I actually might try that last one but I don’t think Hannaford sells llama fetuses.

R – Right now, I MIGHT be at the Fryeburg Fair eating way more than I should and staring at some of the biggest balls this side of the Mason Dixon line. All depends on when you read this. Cuz we’re NOT leaving at the butt crack of dawn to get there. But if you’re reading at say 2pm, we just might be chock full of fried dough and turkey...and staring at those balls. Ginormous oxen means gigantic balls.

A – As usual, I’m craving candy corn. A LOT. Just can’t seem to get enough of them this time of year. I love them. As a mater of fact, I PUFFY HEART them. And yes, I’d marry them if it was legal.

G – Give Me a Break was one of my most favorite shows...back in the day. Cuz damn, did I want Nell Carter to live in my house! Not that I didn't love my family, cuz I did. I just thought having a sarcastic, fun loving, large bosomed woman in the house would be really cool. Don't ask. I have no explanation.

M – Mr. Blue Sky by E.L.O is damn addicting. At least to me it is. But not to John. He doesn’t even like it. Which I consider a BIG flaw in his character. But he’s a kick ass spooner so I opt to keep him around.

E – Every which way but loose. (Means absolutely nothing but every time I tried to think of something to go with E, that’s what popped into my head. Decided to just go with it.)

N – No one has yet bought me the everyday PRADA bag I so rightly deserve. Nope. No one. It’s sad. And makes for getting up each day and carrying on rather difficult. Sigh….

T – Ten to one, you’re shaking your head after reading what I just wrote and wondering, “Does Hallie REALLY think her life is hard cuz she doesn’t have the PRADA she wants?” The answer is yes.

E – E.T phone home. Cut me some slack people!!! E’s are hard!!

D – Disco rocks my world. And I’m pretty sure I was meant to be friends with Gloria Gaynor. I’m also pretty sure I WILL SURVIVE would have been an even bigger hit than it was if I had sung back up. Cuz I’m just that good. I do a mean version in my my car. (FYI…an iPhone makes a killer microphone.)

F – Fancy meeting you here. Well, you ARE here. And I’m feeling fancy. So my statement makes sense.

R - Running on the treadmill for 1 1/2 minutes is ABSOLUTELY enough time to reverse the caloric impact of a bowl of butter pecan ice cream. I should know. I asked myself and I said yes.

I – I’m really looking forward to tomorrow night. Cuz my BFF SWEARS she’s going to be fun Kimmy…fun Kimmy while wearing her party pants. Which, for those of you unversed in party pant lingo, COULD just mean she’s breaking out her assless chaps. Fingers crossed!!

D – Does it seem possible that my sock monkey smiled at me the other night? Cuz he did. I TOTALLY saw him do it thru my Ambien haze.

A – Adult acne should NOT exist. Well, at least not for woman who have delivered vaginally. Without meds. Cuz their husband decides FOR THEM them that they don’t need it. But that’s fodder for another day. I just think that if I already dealt with and survived having my girly parts stretched WIDE and snipped open with scissors, that I should NOT have to deal with the painful underground chin pimple that occasionally rears its ugly head. Cuz those mother effers hurt like a son of a bitch.

Y – You didn’t know that my girly bits were cut with scissors both times I delivered, did you? Bet you also don’t know that the SOUND of scissors CUTTING INTO YOUR GIRLY BITS is a sound that one never forgets. Muscles and scissors do NOT a good sound make. Trust me.

It's Just That Good!!!

I don't often climb up on my handy dandy soapbox and tell you what you should think. Or what you should watch. But today, I am.
~~
Cuz today, I'm here to tell you that I THINK you should WATCH the bestest new show on TV.
~~
And the kicker? Until yesterday, I had never even heard of it.
~~
But thanks to my pushy and persistent office mate and the gods at hulu.com (although I could have watched it on abc.com as well) I have seen the light.
~~
And that light will forever be known as

"MODERN FAMILY."

This show is freakin' amazing. And absolutely hysterical. And quirky. And immediately sucks you in. And if you LOVE The Office as much as I do (You don't? You need psychiatric help. Dad, this means you.) you will PUFFY HEART Modern Family. I promise.

This show actually reminds me A LOT of a bunch of different shows that I've loved over the years.....I'm just having a hell of a time figuring out exactly what shows it reminds me of. (Other than The Office) At moments, it was a little Ally McBeal like, with a dose of Six Feet Under tossed in for good measure. Or maybe it's not. Like I said, I can't quite put my finger on it. All I know is that I LOVE IT....in a way that might not be healthy. But so be it. I LOVE IT and I'm not afraid to admit it.

And the best part? I only recognized one actor in the whole cast! But that didn't matter!! They're all just that damn good!! Ed O'Neill, aka Al Bundy, rocks in his role as patriarch of his slightly dysfunctional and definitely odd family. I've always loved Ed O'Neill as an actor and after only 2 episodes of this show, I am sooooo NOT disappointed.

Actually, I am exactly the opposite of disappointed with ALL the actors. The 2 guys above play a hysterically funny gay couple (the guy on the left is Ed O'Neill's son on the show) that adopts a baby from Vietnam. I loved them instantly. Their attempt to fit in at a local toddler playgroup was classic!

This group (again, I don't recognize any of the actors) plays the other branch of Ed O"Neill's family. The Mom is Ed O'Neill's daughter on the show and she's funny! But it's her husband, that dark haired dude in the pic, that takes the cake. He is so like Michael Scott from The Office that it's almost scary. Which is why I love him more than anyone. Cuz I worship at the altar of Michael Scott. Which means any other character that makes me think of him and all his oddball ways, is top notch from the get go.

~~

I can't tell you how many times this ONLY 30 minute show (So no excuses from all you people who will try to claim you have no time to watch. Plus, you can always skip it when it's on Wednesday nights @ 9 and catch it later on hulu.) made me burst out laughing. Seriously, I almost spit my beloved Diet Coke on my monitor.

~~

It's just that good.

~~

Trust me.

~~

Watch it and let me know what you think.

~~

And if you're ALREADY watching it? ROCK ON DUDE!! Virtual high fives coming your way!!

Laugh Cuz I Said So...Or Don't...I'm Only A Blogger, Not a Cop

It's Wednesday. It's already been a long week. And it's not over yet. Which is why I need to laugh. Cuz if I don't laugh, I'm gonna cry. And I look all blubbery and swollen when I cry. So laugh it is.

It's the expression on the bat's face that gets me.

I'd buy this shirt (or shirts made by this company) SIMPLY because the manufacturer has a kick ass sense of humor. LOVE when people can inject humor in the most unsuspecting places.

I adore this. I've had it saved for awhile and every time I come across it I chuckle. Kind of makes you feel bad for the disappointed serial killer, huh?

One of the funniest things I've ever seen.

I love this so much that I made his extra muscle into a boob.
Cuz that's exactly what it looks like.
So I added a pink nipple. Which really makes me laugh. Cuz you KNOW this guy thinks he looks UBERLY HAWT with that grotesque extra muscle. Wonder what he thinks of his boobylicious muscle now???

Still Spreading The Word

Still doing everything possible to encourage as many people as I can to become organ donors. In 20 days, I will once again be honored to read the letter I wrote to my Dad's donor family. I will travel to Massachusetts to publicly thank not only the family that gave him a second chance at life but also all those families that chose to donate their loved ones organs. It's a humbling experience, one I would repeat everyday of my life if I could. It truly is the least I can do.
~
I'm also continuing to spread the word about organ donation thru my Facebook group, WHY NOT DONATE WHAT YOU CAN'T TAKE WITH YOU? It's simply an easy way to spread the word about the greatest gift one can ever give. Join if you haven't already and help raise awareness!
~
My fundraiser...my VERY SUCCESSFUL FUNDRAISER, is still alive and well. It will remain open until December 12th at which point the money will be turned over to UNOS. PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE consider giving if you haven't already. UNOS is a wonderful organization that works to advance organ availability. EVERY SINGLE DOLLAR MAKES A DIFFERENCE.
~
And lastly, as a way to keep the idea of organ donation upfront and center, I have several amazing items to giveaway. These items were donated for my raffle but didn't arrive in time. They are ALL awesome and I'm so anxious to find them new homes.
~
Only problem is, I'm having a hard time coming up with ideas for contests. (And I need at least two!) Several weeks ago, I asked you each to tell me what charity you would fund raise for if you could. The prize was a $25.00 AMEX gift card. You were entered just by leaving a comment. Steph won but REFUSED to take the gift!! :) She donated it back to the cause which means I get to give it away again!! But that also means I need a new contest idea. (CONTEST #1).
~
I'm toying with the idea of challenging people to make a cash donation to my fundraiser for a certain period of time. (CONTEST #2). If you donate even one dollar during a certain time period, you would be instantly entered to win a prize. Even if you already DID make a donation during the raffle portion of the fundraiser, you could still make another donation (Of even one dollar!) and be entered to win.
~
The prize I'm thinking of attaching to this CASH DONATION CHALLENGE is the most stunning multi strand freshwater pearl necklace that was custom made for my fundraiser. It's gorgeous and expensive and deserves to go out with a bang!
~
It would be a win-win situation...I'd raise even more money above and beyond my fundraising goal and one lucky recipient who donated a little bit to the cause would walk away with a stunning piece of jewelry.
~
Did I mention the necklace is stunning?
~
And lastly, I have a pair of the most unusual, most fantastic handmade wool throw pillows that were generously donated to my raffle. They're awesome and so damn unique and sell for $200!!! Someone needs to become their foster parent. I say foster cuz if you don't love them like you should, I'm taking them back!! (You'll understand when you see them!)
~
So I need yet another contest idea (CONTEST #3) to give them away.
~
I'm hoping that you all might help me come up with a few ideas for CONTEST #1 and CONTEST #3. Cuz I sure need them.
~
And if I pick your brilliant idea, you'll get an extra entry in that contest!! After all, brilliance SHOULD be rewarded!!
~
So get thinking!
~
What ideas can you come up with?
~
Tell me, tell me, tell me!!

Even For Me, This Is TOO Much

Sometimes the best ideas for Morbid Monday come from my readers. Which I love. Cuz it uberly tickles me to know that y'all think of me when you see something MM worthy. It really does. And I appreciate your suggestions more than you know. Really, I do.

Thanks to Brandy, who readily admits being addicted to the WWoW (I've caused an addiction....how freakin' cool is that?) today's MM post just might be THE SINGLE MOST MORBID TOPIC I'VE EVER TALKED ABOUT.

It's so morbid and so gross and so disgusting that even I couldn't believe it when I saw it. And y'all know not much freaks me out!

Before I show you what Brandy brought to my attention, let me go on record as saying I'm ALL FOR GOING GREEN. And I'm all for doing whatever we can do to save a tree. I know our resources are precious and that it's cool to conserve, conserve, conserve! Yep, I do.

But people, I have limits. Limits that I could not, would not cross for all the tea in China, (wouldn't be so bad cuz although I like tea I could live without), all the Hostess cupcakes in the local Hostess store (I get a little high whenever I walk in that store and sniff all the chocolately goodness!) or even all the PRADA bags in the world. (Now you MUST know how serious I am!!! Cuz I'd consider trading my kids for PRADA most days!!)

Nope, there are just some lines I would never cross.

Like Eco-flow busters. NOT for me. EVER.

Making them colorful does nothing to improve on their ICK factor.

And Luna Pads? NO. THANK. YOU. No way, no how. (And no, before you ask, I never used disposable diapers on my kiddos. I helped support Pampers and Huggies thank you very much!)

~~

Good for the environment or not, I would NEVER willingly use a feminine hygiene product that is reusable. I would NEVER use something during the worst week of the month that can be tossed into the washing machine and then reinserted. I would NEVER want anything crocheted that close to my nether regions. And really, saying "close to" is not quite right. Cuz when it comes to handmade tampons, they actually are MUCH closer to the nether region than just "close to."

~~

Call me crazy. Call me environmentally irresponsible. Call me selfish.

~~

I. DON'T. CARE.

~~

Cuz when it comes to all things related to Aunt Flo, I want to toss them out and never give them a second thought. EVER.

~~

And if you use any of these products? Good for you. Just don't EVER tell me.

~~

***For accuracy purposes, I should state that I would NEVER use these products if I STILL needed them. But I don't. (God bless my hysterectomy 10+ years ago!) But I can unequivocally state that if Aunt Flo and I were still close relatives, I would NEVER use these items. Nope, I'd be single handily keeping Stay-Free and Tampax in business.

~~

One last thing...

Found a bunch of articles about women who make their own cloth toilet paper as well. The used squares go into a waterproof bag and then are emptied into a diaper pail. From there they're washed and used again.

If you do this and I come to your house, I will never be back.

Cleaning Out My iPhone Camera

Kind of blurry but had to show you what goes on INSIDE THE BUCKET.

Fenway gives Chauncey a mean tongue bath. (See her little pink tongue above his eye?) You can tell how much he loves this by the contented look on his face.

Apparently the bath was over. Doesn't he look sad?

What a GORGEOUS $6200.00 smile!!! :) (My current favorite Connor pic.)

They really have a hard life.

Wiener baby.

Wiener burrito anyone?

Bend Over and FRAG Baby!!!

There is absolutely nothing else I'd rather do on a Friday than frag like I've never fragged before. Cuz fragging on Friday is like a feel good enigma in preparation for a fun filled weekend!!! Getting out all those little bits and pieces leaves me feeling light in the loafers!! Thanks Mrs. 4444 from Half Past Kissin' Time. Enigmas will forever remind me of you!!

*Small dogs generally make small poop. Which I appreciate. Cuz small poop can ALMOST be ignored. And if you let your grass grow long enough, you can't even see the crap. (Crap! Get it!! Pun TOTALLY intended!) But yesterday, my petite and dainty wiener dog managed to poop something that was ALMOST as long as her. And WAS longer than her tail. (I was lucky enough to be standing out on the back porch when the "deposit" took place.) I took a pic of it.....the tail, not the poop. What kind of sicko do you think I am? (Thought you needed the pic to truly understand.) See that tail up there? Her ONE SINGLE POOP was longer. O.M.G.

*How come when I play a song over and over, I'm happy as a god damn clam on crack? But when someone else does it, I want to kill them? Doesn't seem to matter WHAT song they're playing. Nope. Doesn't matter at all. If they play it MORE than 5 times in a row, they must be destroyed. Unless, of course, they happen to be playing ANYTHING by Barry Manilow. Cuz there's no such thing as too much Barry. I puffy heart Barry.

*Dinner did NOT cook itself once again last night. WTF?

*I LOVE my new UGGS. They're ridiculously comfortable and keep my frozen Maine piggy toes warm and cozy. But I also HATE my UGGS. Cuz every time I catch sight of my UGG wrapped feet, I damn near vomit. Cuz UGGS are effing UGLY. They make my feet look like they could stand in as stunt doubles for Frankenstein. Seriously, they look HORRIBLE. Anyone that says otherwise are LYING....in a big, fat way. But fugging ugly or not, I'm keeping them on. Cuz cold I am. And warm they are.

*83 days until Xmas and I ONLY have one gift. I feel like a damn failure. Someone needs to whip me soundly with a brand new PRADA bag cuz I'm almost positive that a sound PRADA whipping, could/would light a fire under my ass. Anyone wanna help me find out? Don't be afraid to really give it to me. And if small pieces of my skin happen to flake off and soil the handbag I'd be HAPPY to keep it. No,really, I would. Cuz I'm a team player and wouldn't want a perfectly good everyday PRADA bag to go to waste. Aren't I just amazing??

WHY?????????

Do you ever wonder WHY people do the things they do to their bodies?

Why they choose to decorate the body God gave them in a certain "unique" fashion?

Well I do.

Cuz some stuff...well, some stuff I just don't understand.

And probably never will.

I'm willing to buy EVERYTHING this guys sellin' EXCEPT that bike tire size ring he's got jutting out of his RIDICULOUSLY SWOLLEN lip. What? You don't see it? Look again. (Maybe if you tip your head to the left and squint you'll catch a glimpse.)

Stupid. And ugly. And dumb. Just makes me want to lean over and bite the shit out of this ear. Oh wait...maybe that's what he/she was hoping for.
Real cool. Real EFFING cool. I mean, who doesn't want bloody bullet holes permanently tattooed on their back? Maybe this dude figures if he already HAS bullet holes on him, he gets an automatic "GET OUT OF ONE GUN FIGHT FREE" card? He just might be onto something....

I simply hope this dude keeps that beer can in his ear lobe AT ALL TIMES. Cuz as bad as it looks WITH the can, imagine what it looks like WITHOUT the can.

"Piercing is, as piercing does." Or "Pierce Me Baby One More Time." Or "Seriously, WTF were you thinking asshat?"

Don't people already pierce ENOUGH body parts as is?

I think this man is VERY comfortable with his sexuality. Just a hunch. Oh, and I think he likes superheroes. Call it another hunch.

I LOVE this one!! LOVE IT, LOVE IT, LOVE IT!!!! And you know why??? Cuz that tattoo looks EXACTLY LIKE MY PHANTOM PAIN!!! I FINALLY have an accurate picture of it to take to the doctor!!!

Me thinks this is a "one date and one date only" guy. Cuz IF (and that's a BIG if) he convinces someone to get a little "frisky," I'm sure these "hair trails" kill the mood in 3.2 seconds flat.

Oh yeah baby. You are SOOOOO freakin' luscious!! John, take note. This "elastic waisted pants connected to a pierced and elongated nipple by a red caribiner" makes me so hot! Feel free to surprise me with this look on our next anniversary. (Wonder how I'll keep the ladies away from my man when he's rockin' this look?)

Where DOES the Time Go?

He walks to the beat of his own drum and always has.

He's quick with a sly smile but not with conversation.

He's got a huge heart and bizarre sense of humor.

He's an amazing friend and an even better son.

He's funny and goofy and kind hearted.

And he's all mine.

Happy 16th Birthday Connor.

I've adored you your WHOLE life.

Just one day old and already melting my heart.

Can't believe you ever had feet so tiny!!

(And yes, those were YOUR feet!)

May every birthday find you as wonderful as you are today.

I love you,

MOM

All Searches Lead to A Wiener

I've decided that there's absolutely no way for me to EVER be bored in the blog world. No way for me to EVER run out of things to talk about. No way for me to EVER lack in topics to ponder. Cuz if ANY of those things happen, all I need to do is take a gander at my stat tracker....and read through the list of keywords that brought people here to the WWoW. Cuz that list is AMAZING. And UNIQUE. And FREAKY.

Let's call it It AMAZINGLY UNIQUE with a twist of FREAKY. (Although, lately, the freaky seems to be more like a healthy dose than a twist.)

Cuz people are finding my humble little blog in the weirdest ways....ways that even surprise me. And quite honestly, I'm still not exactly sure how these "strings of words" hit on my blog. (Or what the hell the people were really looking for. Or WHY they were looking for this stuff in the first place!)

I get that my blog will pop up simply because I used a word that is listed in the search someone is running. But lots of times, that's not the case. At least not that I can tell.

But what the hell do I REALLY know? Maybe the google gods know WAY MORE than me. Maybe when I use the words I use, I actually mean something completely different. (Wouldn't be the first time I said one thing but meant the other!)

Yesterday, for shits and giggles, (BTW..dumbest phrase ever. Cuz I NEVER giggle when I do that. NEVER.) I took a few minutes to peruse the latest searches that landed people in my Wiener World.

And boy oh boy, what an interesting list. (And by interesting, I mean O.D.D.)

**VICODIN UP THE BUTT - I've never done that nor do I think I've talked about it. Vicodin probably. And butts, definitely. But Vicodin up the butt? Yowza!!

**POTATO WEINER - Ok, I obviously talk about wieners but do potatoes HAVE wieners? Wait...don't answer that.

**SONG ABOUT WIENERS & SNAPPING TURTLES - Someone get me a beer. I feel like I need to be drunk to come up with the lyrics to that song.

**MORBID SCARY LARGE DOG BEDS - Really? Someone thinks dog beds are scary? Fenway and Chauncey beg to differ.

**MAKE UM GAG - Love, love, love the wording. But I'm confused. What could possibly make someone gag over here? :)

**WIENER HELMETS - I'm at a loss. Aren't wieners **ahem** sort of helmeted to begin with? Or was someone actually looking for little helmets for their beloved wieners? Do they make helmets that small? I guess size DOES matter!

**KAREN WOODWARD CLEAVAGE - NO idea who Karen is (and I'm 100% positive I've never talked about her cleavage) but damn, do I want to meet her!

**INSIDE PEOPLE'S WIENERS - Ick. Why would anyone want to know what's INSIDE a wiener? Human or otherwise? ICK. ICK. ICK.

**HOW MUCH JELLO FILLS A WATER BED - Yes, I talk about jello shots. Maybe more than most. But in a water bed? Really? Is there a preferred flavor to use? I need to know!

**FOREHEAD MOLE REMARRIED - WTF? I repeat....WTF? Why they hell did this land someone here? I can assure you that NO MOLES ON MY FOREHEAD have EVER gotten married. They're all single gals!!

**CAT WIENERS YOU CAN LOOK AT - Now wait just a minute....I am NOT a cat person. And would NEVER want to look at a cat wiener. Never. Dog wieners...perhaps. I mean, we don't call Chauncey "RED ROCKET" for nothing.

**BREAST BITE - Real breasts? Or chicken breasts? I'm rooting for the fowl kind cuz the real thing isn't necessarily meant to be bitten. (I say necessarily cuz one never knows what someone else is into. And who am I to judge?)

**FETUS COOKIE RECIPE - I DID show a picture of a fetus shaped cookie cutter several weeks ago. So I get why this search landed someone here. But I think I'm missing something. Cuz I was unaware that there was an actual FETUS recipe for cookies. And although I LOVE cookies, me thinks me wouldn't want a fetus flavored one. I'm just sayin'....

**ANTS GO PARTY AND GET DRUNK - Apparently someone thinks that ants have a bigger drinking problem than I was aware of. Which makes me wonder, are drunk ants any LESS annoying than sober ones?

And now....just cuz I LOVE to make y'all dust off your grey matter....

Tell me which one of the above 16 keyword searches I MADE UP!!!!!

Yep, that's right. I MADE ONE UP. Just cuz I can!! ;)

All of the above are ACTUAL keyword searches that led to my blog EXCEPT FOR ONE!!!

Aren't I clever???

But the bigger question is....are you??

Which one do you think it is????

Shingle Bells, Shingle Bells, Shingle All the Way!

Been hearing a lot lately about shingles. And not the kind that live on the top of your house. Cuz as far as I know, not many people talk about roofing shingles. And if they do, I probably long since drowned them out. Sort of like what I do when John talks about anything related to HD.

(Don't worry though, John knows and loves me anyway!)

~~

Nope, haven't been hearing about THOSE shingles.

~~

What I HAVE been hearing about is the shingles that are characterized by a painful rash or blisters with a crusty appearance. ICK. And YUCK.

~~

Anything that's characterized by it's crusty appearance is automatically morbid in my book. (Unless we're talking about a crusty loaf of french bread. In that case, I say YUMMY.)

~~

But crusty AND painful? MORBID. And GROSS.

I mean really....if this is shingles, count me out. I can't even stand a simple canker sore. Can you even imagine this crap IN YOUR MOUTH?

Anything that's capable of drawing your eye AWAY from a hefty set of MOOBS is NOT for me. (Moobs DEMAND they be the center of attention.)

While shaving my right armpit last week, I somehow managed to get a wee bit irritated. Which, up until I saw THIS picture, seemed pretty awful. Now I'm thinking my tiny shaving injury wasn't so bad.

HOLY. MOTHER. OF. EDISON.

Would have plastered this pic up on a Morbid Monday post JUST for the nose and eyebrows alone. But add in the face eating case of shingles he be sportin' and you get MORBID TO THE MAX!

Did the shingles cause the gaping hole in her neck? If so, OH MY GOD.

Someone get this lady some spackle.

Is this a multiple choice test? Am I supposed to pick the letter of the case of shingles I'd LIKE to have? "I'll take LETTER A for $500.00, Alex." Unless of course, letter A LEADS to letter C....then I'll pass and take the failing grade.

OW. OW. OW.

Can someone get ME some morphine?

Cuz just looking at this makes me hurt all over.

Reason Number 567 I'm glad I DON'T have a DANGLING nether region. Cuz if shingles could make IT look like this, I don't think I'd be a happy camper. Then again, would ANYONE be a happy camper? :(

Frag If You Want To! Frag Around the World! (B-52's...Get It?)

It's Friday.

~~

I'm fragging.

~~

Here's hoping Mrs. 4444 at Half Past Kissin' Time is pleased. Cuz nothing makes me happier on a Friday then putting a smile on OLD MRS. FOUR'S face.

(I added in the word old cuz she's too far away to kick my ass!)
~~

*I TOTALLY get that some bloggers feel the need to have Fort Knox like security measures on their blog. And I TOTALLY realize that those security measures are in place to protect their blog from the masses. I mean, who really wants mean ass comments left on their blog or **gasp** spam crap to infect you? Yep, I TOTALLY get it. But I TOTALLY don't like it. Cuz I feel like I'm taking a pass/fail exam every time I write something that has to BE APPROVED prior to showing up. Which makes me paranoid that my comment might not make the cut. Don't I have enough stress in my life without having to worry that my comments suck MASSIVE DONKEY BALLS?

~~

*I'm putting in for HAZARDOUS DUTY pay at work. Cuz walking from my car to my office requires that I pass by AT LEAST 50 man eating, flesh loving, "might just samurai leap onto Hallie causing her a lifetime stay in a rubber room" 8 legged harbingers of doom. And every day, they look fatter and thicker and angrier. Not to mention I'm absolutely certain they are growing teeth. And drooling when I get near. And today? Today I KNOW I heard one cackling in a deep guttural voice as it cracked its 8 legs worth of knuckles.

~~

*Someone found my blog this week by searching for "WHY DO I HAVE FRAGMENTED THOUGHTS AND WHAT DO THEY MEAN?" Which means I have Mrs. 4444 to thank for a brand new blog reader. (OBVIOUSLY if someone stumbled onto the WWoW by accident, they TOTALLY fell in love with it!!) Cuz without her constantly badgering me to "FRAG, FRAG, FRAG!", I wouldn't have used the word "fragmented." Which means my blog wouldn't have popped up in that persons google search. Which means they never would have had the pleasure of my wienerfic thoughts!! My hats off to you Mrs. 4444!!!

~~

*John made mention that something I said or did (quite honestly, I can't remember what he was talking about) might NOT be received well by others. I told him that the only opinion that TRULY mattered to me was his. Of course, I THEN went on to tell him that he better ONLY say nice things to me or I'd kick his ass. I'm a keeper, huh???? " :)

~~

*For ABSOLUTELY NO REASON AT ALL, I wait to go pee at work until my bladder is about to explode. I have no idea why I do this. No one STOPS me from going. No one punishes me if I do. And oddly enough, the bathroom is diagonally across from my office door. Which means, it's only about 15 steps from my chair to THAT chair. But I wait. For no reason. At all.

So when I finally DO go, it's like freakin' urinary bliss. It feels SO DAMN GOOD that if I smoked, I'd light up. Yep, peeing when you ABSOLUTELY CAN'T HOLD IT FOR EVEN ONE MORE SECOND is like whizzing nirvana. The ONLY thing that MIGHT feel as good (removing any mention of connubial bliss from this discussion) is the ever popular, always amazing "finger in the ear" itching thing we people do (God, I LOVE that!) and the simply wonderful, truly addictive "rub your eyeballs until they roll back in your head and/or go numb."

Now if I can just figure out how to do ALL THREE at the same time....

*My name is Hallie and odd things entertain me."

"Hi Hallie!"